Bacon Underwear

Note: This tale is based on a liberal generalization of a true story. No animals were harmed during the writing of this post.

A dog friend of mine, who I'll refer to as "Bruiser" to protect his identity, recently found himself on the wrong side of the law. He had no previous convictions and was generally thought to be an upstanding citizen in the local K-9 community. He does not look the part of a diralect and is actually quite lovable to those who know him.

The events began as we traveled to New York for a well deserved vacation. I was attending a Yankees baseball game, which fulfilled a lifelong dream of mine. Bruiser's owner, who I'll refer to as "Kently" so that he may remain annonymous, had just screamed, "I heart Jeter" when his cell phone began to ring. On the other end of the four increasingly incremental bars was his next door neighbor. He called to inform Kently that his wife, "the neighbor lady", had been attacked, and damaged, by Bruiser. Of course, as the events unfolded, it was determined that all of this was made possible by the neighbor lady entering into Bruiser's yard unannounced and unauthorized.

Within a very short time, maybe less than 3,480 seconds, the "Po-Po" had shown up to take Bruiser to the pokey. With the absentee owner being 1,600 miles away, the best he could negotiate for was to have Bruiser turn himself in and serve a 10 day sentence.

Recognizing that this was out of character for Bruiser, we began to search for some answers and determine just what went wrong. Was there a conspiracy, was it a case of misidentification? And then it hit us like a ton of bricks. It turns out the neighbor lady may or may not have been wearing bacon underwear. It would all make sense. How could any dog, including the normally mild mannered Bruiser, resist such an enticement. Indeed we were on to something, but unfortuanately, we were too late.

You see, Bruiser is a humble dog of humble means. Why, heck, he's one gate left open from being a dog of the streets. He couldn't afford the representation of a Jackie Chiles or a Johnny Cochran. It would of taken some very expensive defense attorneys to raise the "attractive nuisance" defense. It's probably hard for you and I to deem bacon underwear as an attractive nuisance, but to a dog...life doesn't get much better.

No one on the outside will ever know what Bruiser went through in the Big House. He doesn't like to talk about it much. He does seem to use alot more slang language and continuously mumbles suff about "the man." We can only hope that he has learned something from his incarceration, even if he was unjustly convicted.

How do we handle that kind of adversity? It'd be easy to become sour when you pay for some unjustly conviction. The apostle Paul was incarcerated and yet he never seemed to lose his hope that he had God on his side and was being blessed. I'm convinced that you either get "bitter" or "better." Your success in handling adversity is what grows and matures you into being better than you were. So hang in there. And next time you come across someone wearing bacon underwear, be cautious. As tempting as it may be, there might be trouble lurking underneath.

Little Boze